Growing up, I was a huge fan of Michael Jordan. When he retired for the first time he wrote a short autobiography which revealed some of his mental processes within the game and other mindsets which described briefly how he approached the game of basketball. I remember one mental approach he had, and I will paraphrase it a little, where he said something about understanding the tendencies and patterns of a player (or players) and learn how to use it to your advantage. This was similar to other semi-cliché sayings that I heard a lot of times in my life – like in Sun Tzu’s Art of War “know thy enemy and know thyself and you will never lose a battle” (or something like that) or the short clip at the end of GI Joe episodes where they keep on saying “Now I know… and knowing is half the battle.” Now, before you start to wonder if you are reading the right blog and how this will help you get a girlfriend, stay with me, I will get to my point soon.
The first thing I applied this mental approach of understanding a person’s patterns and tendencies and taking advantage of them was in video games, fighting games to be more specific. Of course, there will come a point in a fighting game (in this case Street Fighter and Tekken) where you will eventually memorize the patterns of the artificial intelligence of the game your playing against and use it to your advantage. As it turns out, this is applicable when fighting human opponents as well. I noticed that people have tendencies when they fight using certain characters and that there are a lot of tendencies that is also applicable to most players. Using this “new found knowledge” I was able to become an above average player in these games. I soon then realized that I can use this mental approach, to almost anything that requires skill. So I decided to see if it will work on the one thing in my life which at the time I was miserable at – getting a girlfriend.
The first thing I did, was to review in my mind, all the hot girls that I knew in school and made a mental list of the guys they dated. I then also remembered all the guys in school who didn’t seem to intuitively know how to get a girlfriend easy. I asked myself – “What behavioral patterns are there?” “What is the common denominator of these guys?” “Is it their looks?” “Is it because they are popular?” “Because they are jocks?” “Are they romantic” “Do you have to be a jerk?”
Then I tried to painfully remember my experiences with women. At the time, I was somehow able to get a girlfriend but she dumped me for another guy soon after, I was also able to get a couple of dates here and there with girls who seemed interested at me at first but somehow just lost touch of me or eventually lost interest in me and avoided me. I asked myself “What was my behavioural pattern when these girls liked me at the start?” “What was I doing and how was I acting when they lost interest?” I think it should be noted here, aside from my one girlfriend who dumped me, these other girls who were “interested” in me, was up to four other girls. I think I only dated one of them and the rest was just flirtatious encounters within normal social circle circumstances.
After thinking about these factors for about a day or two, I was able to come up with a hypothesis – women are attracted to power and manifestations of it – the jock, the jerk, the popular guy, the leader of the group (I was the leader of my little nerd herd when my ex-girlfriend took notice of me and made her advances), the athlete, the financially successful guy, the guy with the car, and so on and so forth. These guys had one thing in common – they all had something that manifested power, something which made them “the alpha male” – a term which came from discovery channel if you watch the documentaries of lions and other mammals regarding their mating rituals. This was my first “enima” so to speak when it comes to how to get a girlfriend.
Then I asked myself, how come the women that liked me at first, lost interest somehow. I then remembered my behavour patterns (aka how I acted) after knowing or thinking that these girls liked me. I would rather not give details on what I did but I could confidently say, that my actions at the time, can be classified as “sappy.” This “sappy” or “beta” behaviour, is what got these girls to change their minds, or in this case, their feelings about me.
In the media, and when you hear other peoples advice when it comes to girls, you hear a lot of “be yourself” crap and the like. I say its crap because all you have to do is look back in your life and remember the things I described above. I am sure that these experiences are similar to most guys who has had a crush or felt the frustrations of teenage hormones not being fulfilled. The fact that you are reading this blog is probably a good indicator that you are part of this group.
At first glance, this may seem sad at first. It may seem that you have to be fake in order to get a girlfriend. This is not the way to approach it. You can be yourself, but in order to reach your goal, it is best you do not show your whole self yet. You have to understand, at the start of the mating dance, it is all about stimulus and response. The stimuli is your behaviour and and the response is how will it make the girl feel. Just like in a video game, one action causes you character to do one thing and then your opponent responds. So think of it that way, you are controlling your character to act the proper way, to manifest behaviour that manifest some sort of alpha trait. This in turn will make the girl feel naturally attracted to you. Once she is attracted to you and you got her to be your girlfriend, that’s where the “being yourself” comes to play. To further ellobrate on how you can think so you won’t see this situation as sad, think of how fans react to celebrities. Think about how you (or people for that matter) really don’t care who that person in television or in the movie is unless he or she produces work of quality. So is the case with getting a girlfriend – produce work of quality, make them feel good, make them feel attracted, let them be in live, then and only then you show your true self and be a slob.
This mental approach to girls, and understanding that its all about stimulus and response and alpha manifestations is what I talked about in the end of my first post “First step in getting a girlfriend.” Now its up to you to wrap your brain around this concept and to think about it for a while while you are out their improving your grooming, your physical fitness and your selection of clothes.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
First Steps in Getting a Girlfriend
So, your tired of spending nights alone and you are lonely – you want to find someone, you want to be able to sleep with someone on a regular basis, you want to know how to get a girlfriend. I will assume for practical purposes that if you are reading this blog, you have absolutely no idea on how to do that. I will assume that you never had a girlfriend in your life, that you tried to get one maybe once or twice but had no luck whatsoever. Maybe in your younger years you were good looking and somehow hot lucky and didn’t have to do anything and a girlfriend just followed you all over the place but now you seem to have lost that “charm”. Maybe your in a dry spell and want to find a way out of the rut. Maybe you just broke up with a girlfriend that you have been with for so many years and forgot how to play the game. In any of those cases, don’t worry, I’m here to help you out.
Most schools of thought or even books or if you attend seminars that teaches things like this (how to seduce women, how to pickup women, ebooks on how to get a girlfriend, etc etc) the first thing they will tell you most likely is to change the way you think. They will tell you that you should have this and that mindset and that the reason that you don’t have a girlfriend is that you have developed poor thinking habits. Well, this is all true. But I will not tell you to go under a tree and meditate till you get your thinking right. I will not tell you to look in the mirror and tell yourself how wonderful and attractive you are to other women and that “you are the prize.” All these mental exercises and building up of confidence can be done with some practical steps and field tested, actionable activities.
The first of the actionable activities is improving the way you look. I know, I know – “looks don’t matter” and that “what matters is the person inside” and all that crap, but like I said in my introduction post, stay open minded and trust me a little bit on this. I’m going to explain the what and why in a bit so don’t blow up in a fit.
Where was I, oh yes – the first step in getting a girlfriend is to improve the way you look – aka get makeover. As girlish that it may seem, it should be noted that women have been playing the attraction game far longer and with more expertise than we men have. If you look back in history, they have been developing the practices way earlier than us. We men on the other hand just hit them in the head with a club, which evolved to intimidation, then to power etc etc. Also, women learn at an earlier age to start playing the attraction game as they really don’t have really anything to do after they out grow the barbies and stuff toys. Us men however, before we start thinking about how to get a girlfriend, we have the action figures, the toys, then the video games, then the sports, then whatever competition to get our testosterone going. Only a few of us start on the path of knowing how to get a girlfriend if ever. Sometimes that part is skipped as we start focusing on how to get rich and think that “the girlfriend will come with my success automatically” (somewhat true but incomplete, but that will be a topic of a future post).
Now that we have established that you need to get yourself a makeover, its time to get a nice haircut and improve your grooming. Shave your face and at least trim those other places as well – get rid of all those excess hair. While your at it, get a facial too. This activity will take an hour or two, this is the time you start your mental exercises and pseudo meditations to improve how you think and build your confidence (see, I told you I was getting somewhere).
The next thing you have to do, after you have groomed yourself nicely and got rid of the excess hair is to get some nice clothes. Get rid of the geeky stripes and checkered shirts. If you can get a nice suit, do so. Suits go with almost anything from slacks to jeans to shirts. You have probably been shopping with your mom most of your life so at this stage, you have to do some research in magazines if you don’t know what is fashionable for men. I assume that you are an analytical and logical guy if you are reading this (aka bordering to nerd) so try to look for patterns in men’s fashion as to what is “hip.”
The reason I am telling you to do this is that these little things build confidence. Sure, it may be the type of confidence that doesn’t have depth, but at least its based on something that is there and that can be perceived – your new and improved look. This is opposed to you meditating in bed, or talking to yourself in the mirror, or writing a thousand times – “I deserve to get a girlfriend” “I deserve to get a girlfriend” “I deserve to get a girlfriend”. I have always felt that brainwashing yourself as the first step into getting a girlfriend is not a way to go.
Okay, now you got new clothes. Now your nice and shaved and are continually making it a habit to practice good grooming. What the next step? If you are ready to become more sociable and practice your conversational skills, I would say do that. But, I will stick to the premise that you are, to put it mildly, an introvert, and not ready to go “out there”yet. So, I will tell you to get a gym membership and start working out. There are plenty of resources out there that give tips on how to burn fat. This is where you will once again, start doing confidence building mental exercises like affirmations and visualizations and so on and so forth. However, more important than that, you will be able to use your logical and analytical skills as a “intellectual man” to be able to understand how to get a girlfriend – how exactly will be the topic of my next post.
As for now, start with the steps I told you – improve your looks, get rid of your excess hair, buy new clothes, go to the gym – all the while doing affirmations, visualizations and so on and so forth. I will help you understand the nature of the game in my next post, so stay tuned.
Most schools of thought or even books or if you attend seminars that teaches things like this (how to seduce women, how to pickup women, ebooks on how to get a girlfriend, etc etc) the first thing they will tell you most likely is to change the way you think. They will tell you that you should have this and that mindset and that the reason that you don’t have a girlfriend is that you have developed poor thinking habits. Well, this is all true. But I will not tell you to go under a tree and meditate till you get your thinking right. I will not tell you to look in the mirror and tell yourself how wonderful and attractive you are to other women and that “you are the prize.” All these mental exercises and building up of confidence can be done with some practical steps and field tested, actionable activities.
The first of the actionable activities is improving the way you look. I know, I know – “looks don’t matter” and that “what matters is the person inside” and all that crap, but like I said in my introduction post, stay open minded and trust me a little bit on this. I’m going to explain the what and why in a bit so don’t blow up in a fit.
Where was I, oh yes – the first step in getting a girlfriend is to improve the way you look – aka get makeover. As girlish that it may seem, it should be noted that women have been playing the attraction game far longer and with more expertise than we men have. If you look back in history, they have been developing the practices way earlier than us. We men on the other hand just hit them in the head with a club, which evolved to intimidation, then to power etc etc. Also, women learn at an earlier age to start playing the attraction game as they really don’t have really anything to do after they out grow the barbies and stuff toys. Us men however, before we start thinking about how to get a girlfriend, we have the action figures, the toys, then the video games, then the sports, then whatever competition to get our testosterone going. Only a few of us start on the path of knowing how to get a girlfriend if ever. Sometimes that part is skipped as we start focusing on how to get rich and think that “the girlfriend will come with my success automatically” (somewhat true but incomplete, but that will be a topic of a future post).
Now that we have established that you need to get yourself a makeover, its time to get a nice haircut and improve your grooming. Shave your face and at least trim those other places as well – get rid of all those excess hair. While your at it, get a facial too. This activity will take an hour or two, this is the time you start your mental exercises and pseudo meditations to improve how you think and build your confidence (see, I told you I was getting somewhere).
The next thing you have to do, after you have groomed yourself nicely and got rid of the excess hair is to get some nice clothes. Get rid of the geeky stripes and checkered shirts. If you can get a nice suit, do so. Suits go with almost anything from slacks to jeans to shirts. You have probably been shopping with your mom most of your life so at this stage, you have to do some research in magazines if you don’t know what is fashionable for men. I assume that you are an analytical and logical guy if you are reading this (aka bordering to nerd) so try to look for patterns in men’s fashion as to what is “hip.”
The reason I am telling you to do this is that these little things build confidence. Sure, it may be the type of confidence that doesn’t have depth, but at least its based on something that is there and that can be perceived – your new and improved look. This is opposed to you meditating in bed, or talking to yourself in the mirror, or writing a thousand times – “I deserve to get a girlfriend” “I deserve to get a girlfriend” “I deserve to get a girlfriend”. I have always felt that brainwashing yourself as the first step into getting a girlfriend is not a way to go.
Okay, now you got new clothes. Now your nice and shaved and are continually making it a habit to practice good grooming. What the next step? If you are ready to become more sociable and practice your conversational skills, I would say do that. But, I will stick to the premise that you are, to put it mildly, an introvert, and not ready to go “out there”yet. So, I will tell you to get a gym membership and start working out. There are plenty of resources out there that give tips on how to burn fat. This is where you will once again, start doing confidence building mental exercises like affirmations and visualizations and so on and so forth. However, more important than that, you will be able to use your logical and analytical skills as a “intellectual man” to be able to understand how to get a girlfriend – how exactly will be the topic of my next post.
As for now, start with the steps I told you – improve your looks, get rid of your excess hair, buy new clothes, go to the gym – all the while doing affirmations, visualizations and so on and so forth. I will help you understand the nature of the game in my next post, so stay tuned.
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