Friday, April 3, 2009

First Steps in Getting a Girlfriend

So, your tired of spending nights alone and you are lonely – you want to find someone, you want to be able to sleep with someone on a regular basis, you want to know how to get a girlfriend. I will assume for practical purposes that if you are reading this blog, you have absolutely no idea on how to do that. I will assume that you never had a girlfriend in your life, that you tried to get one maybe once or twice but had no luck whatsoever. Maybe in your younger years you were good looking and somehow hot lucky and didn’t have to do anything and a girlfriend just followed you all over the place but now you seem to have lost that “charm”. Maybe your in a dry spell and want to find a way out of the rut. Maybe you just broke up with a girlfriend that you have been with for so many years and forgot how to play the game. In any of those cases, don’t worry, I’m here to help you out.

Most schools of thought or even books or if you attend seminars that teaches things like this (how to seduce women, how to pickup women, ebooks on how to get a girlfriend, etc etc) the first thing they will tell you most likely is to change the way you think. They will tell you that you should have this and that mindset and that the reason that you don’t have a girlfriend is that you have developed poor thinking habits. Well, this is all true. But I will not tell you to go under a tree and meditate till you get your thinking right. I will not tell you to look in the mirror and tell yourself how wonderful and attractive you are to other women and that “you are the prize.” All these mental exercises and building up of confidence can be done with some practical steps and field tested, actionable activities.

The first of the actionable activities is improving the way you look. I know, I know – “looks don’t matter” and that “what matters is the person inside” and all that crap, but like I said in my introduction post, stay open minded and trust me a little bit on this. I’m going to explain the what and why in a bit so don’t blow up in a fit.

Where was I, oh yes – the first step in getting a girlfriend is to improve the way you look – aka get makeover. As girlish that it may seem, it should be noted that women have been playing the attraction game far longer and with more expertise than we men have. If you look back in history, they have been developing the practices way earlier than us. We men on the other hand just hit them in the head with a club, which evolved to intimidation, then to power etc etc. Also, women learn at an earlier age to start playing the attraction game as they really don’t have really anything to do after they out grow the barbies and stuff toys. Us men however, before we start thinking about how to get a girlfriend, we have the action figures, the toys, then the video games, then the sports, then whatever competition to get our testosterone going. Only a few of us start on the path of knowing how to get a girlfriend if ever. Sometimes that part is skipped as we start focusing on how to get rich and think that “the girlfriend will come with my success automatically” (somewhat true but incomplete, but that will be a topic of a future post).

Now that we have established that you need to get yourself a makeover, its time to get a nice haircut and improve your grooming. Shave your face and at least trim those other places as well – get rid of all those excess hair. While your at it, get a facial too. This activity will take an hour or two, this is the time you start your mental exercises and pseudo meditations to improve how you think and build your confidence (see, I told you I was getting somewhere).

The next thing you have to do, after you have groomed yourself nicely and got rid of the excess hair is to get some nice clothes. Get rid of the geeky stripes and checkered shirts. If you can get a nice suit, do so. Suits go with almost anything from slacks to jeans to shirts. You have probably been shopping with your mom most of your life so at this stage, you have to do some research in magazines if you don’t know what is fashionable for men. I assume that you are an analytical and logical guy if you are reading this (aka bordering to nerd) so try to look for patterns in men’s fashion as to what is “hip.”

The reason I am telling you to do this is that these little things build confidence. Sure, it may be the type of confidence that doesn’t have depth, but at least its based on something that is there and that can be perceived – your new and improved look. This is opposed to you meditating in bed, or talking to yourself in the mirror, or writing a thousand times – “I deserve to get a girlfriend” “I deserve to get a girlfriend” “I deserve to get a girlfriend”. I have always felt that brainwashing yourself as the first step into getting a girlfriend is not a way to go.

Okay, now you got new clothes. Now your nice and shaved and are continually making it a habit to practice good grooming. What the next step? If you are ready to become more sociable and practice your conversational skills, I would say do that. But, I will stick to the premise that you are, to put it mildly, an introvert, and not ready to go “out there”yet. So, I will tell you to get a gym membership and start working out. There are plenty of resources out there that give tips on how to burn fat. This is where you will once again, start doing confidence building mental exercises like affirmations and visualizations and so on and so forth. However, more important than that, you will be able to use your logical and analytical skills as a “intellectual man” to be able to understand how to get a girlfriend – how exactly will be the topic of my next post.

As for now, start with the steps I told you – improve your looks, get rid of your excess hair, buy new clothes, go to the gym – all the while doing affirmations, visualizations and so on and so forth. I will help you understand the nature of the game in my next post, so stay tuned.